Crimes against Humanity

In an office environment there are certain social rules by which people should abide to prevent upsetting their co-workers. Breaching some of these rules is a minor offense, but yesterday morning someone in my workplace committed an act so foul that it could almost be considered a felony; they made Folgers in the French Roast pot. To turn this from a mere crime into a hanging offense, this pot had been made at the start of the day, when the need for coffee is at its highest.

The coffee machine at work has three pots, one for decaf, one for the already ground Folgers and one for freshly ground French Roast coffee. It is the last of these that development staff naturally prefer, especially first thing in the morning.

I should explain for those readers fortunate enough not to know about Folgers is it is to coffee what Bud Light is to beer; it may bare the name, but has no resemblance in taste. To be fair to Bud, at least it has almost no taste, the taste and odour of Folgers is distinct, but not like coffee at all. I imagine it may be drinkable with a lot of sugar and flavoured creamers.

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. The foul liquid was poured into the correct pot, a fresh supply of beans was obtained, ground and the brewing process started. The sound of the grinder brought desperate addicts flocking to the machine, reminding me of refugees heading to a UN food truck. To ensure an orderly process one of my staff took the full pot and carefully poured out some of the precious liquid for each person, so that no one went without.

There is no excuse for playing such cruel tricks on fellow staff, especially as there is a large sign by the machine imploring people not to make the wrong coffee in the pot. A sign written by one of those people who feel that if one exclamation mark is good, three must be better.

Published in: on 26 February, 2009 at 7:31  Comments (1)  

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  1. The person who wrote that sign … perhaps a friend of my exclamation-point-loving niece!!!

    Folgers is not drinkable under any circumstances. I suspect it is ersatz coffee, of the kind our grandparents forced themselves to imbibe during WWII. My grandmother reportedly made a brew from dried and ground dandelion root, which I assume contained more flavor than the dreadful swill which appeared on Wednesday morning.

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